Knowing we are safe and that we are welcomed on this earth is how we know it’s ok to be who we are, to explore, and to simply be present and enjoy life. This is our primary task as infants, and determines whether we move through life with deep anxiety or unwavering faith. To re-learn we are safe and secure is the foundation of Inner Child healing.

When we enter this world, it is imperative that we are welcomed and received with love and delight. Our young minds scan our surroundings, looking to confirm or deny the question, “am I wanted, and do I belong?” Connection and belonging are the fabric of our wellbeing, and to know we belong and can safely connect with others is the foundation for our ability to seek community, love, and relationship.

For the first few years of our lives, we are completely dependent on our caregivers. We depend on them to nourish us: emotionally, physically, and intellectually. They teach us how to be in this world, feed us and clothe us, and respond to our emotional needs. If these needs aren’t met, we may grow up believing our needs don’t matter, that we don’t have needs, or that it is our responsibility alone to take care of ourselves. We have the right to depend on others, and it is healthy and vital that we experience support and nourishment.

We are born free: our souls and minds are without a doubt free. But parenting, social conditioning, oppression, and abuse can take our freedom and power from us, leaving us feeling utterly helpless, terrified, and traumatized. Reclaiming a sense of inner freedom and power allows us to channel our sense of internal freedom, which helps relieve depression, anxiety, or ways we’ve learned to cope with feeling powerless for so much of our life.

To be free also means we have choice: we have agency. We are individual containers with our own internal worlds, and we have the right to live independently and autonomously. This includes our right to privacy, our right to say “no,” and our right to make decisions based on our needs and intuition.

Human beings are biologically primed to need support. We exist as a species because we work together. Collaboration and mutual support is the fabric of our survival. In order to maintain this current, we must learn that our needs are valid, and that it’s ok to ask for support. We must learn to both lean on others, and provide help when we can. If we develop a solid sense of autonomy and freedom, we learn we can engage in this give and take without losing ourselves.

We are born worthy and equal—there is nothing we have to do to prove we are deserving of love, affection, support, privacy, freedom, or power. Somewhere along the way, we may inadvertently learn that our worth is dependent on some external factor: accomplishments, appearance, material items, or hiding ourselves. We may develop ideas about being less than others—or conversely attempt to make others less than us so we can feel better. To be worthy and feel worthy does not come without the recognition that we are all equal, and nobody is better than or less than us.

Who am I? What do I like? What don’t I like? How do I identify? What do I call myself? These are integral questions as adolescents, and so often we aren’t given the space or freedom to explore and answer these questions. We may be hyper-focused on pleasing those around us that we take on their identity, or we are shunned or shamed for attempting to come into who we are. Our identity and sense of self is vital if we want to create meaningful relationships.